sandmansues (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} sandmansues) wrote,@ 2004-03-31 13:37:00 |
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| Current mood: |  mischievous |
Death and Legolas have a baby. And it's a *SLYTHERIN*!!!
STORY OR SERIES TITLE: The Birth of an Immortal (Sue-detecting alarm goes off....)
MORTAL AUTHOR: Rosy the Cat
FULL NAME: Blaise Zabini... or, her super-secret Sue name, Elessario
ENTITY TYPE: immortal elf/Endless hybrid, but will be raised as a human witch along with Legolas' great-grandchildren or some crap
HAIR: "dark"
EYES: "dark"
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: OMG so kewl pointy elf ears!! But Death's hair and eyes!!
POSESSIONS: nothing... yet.
PATHETIC ORIGIN: apparently Death managed to comfort Legolas during her one-day-as-a-human-a-year thing, which just happened to somehow coincide with his wife's divorcing him.. and then on the anniversary of that occasion, she awoke in a hospital somewhere in England... giving birth to an IMMORTAL ELF BABY OMFG!!!!
WEAK CONNECTIONS TO CANON: which one? three canonical rapes have occured... she's a tri-foliate Sue.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: as a toddler, "an unusual amount of co-ordination for her age"
NOTES: Now, Death's chipper up-beat nature is all very well represented, but I didn't feel any of the eerie wisdom she usually instills in people. Legolas is presented as a cranky old man, which does and *doesn't* make sense... once again for all you LOTR fic-writers out there... Arda is not Earth. Middle Earth is not our Earth, waaay in the past. It's better to think of it as a mystical realm, another plane of existence, or even an alternate dimension. Technically I suppose the author had some kind of explanation worked out for Legolas' existence in the Potterverse, but didn't think it was necessary to talk about it.
SAMPLE THE WORST:
...Gah. Well, if my little romp through my baby brother's realm has anything to
indicate the over-all state of the Dreaming, here's hoping that Dream'll either
find a way out, or he'll get over himself and call for some help. The over-all
quality of REM sleep has gone down the tubes.
A few minutes of searching later, and I've found Legolas and Dallandra, the
latter of the two alternating between taking part in the conversation and cooing
over the baby. Legolas is mostly focused on some old guy that I don't know, but
he's noticed me and nodded me in. Well, let's see what's going on, shall we?
Old Guy (heh, I'm still older!) is speaking to Dallandra.
"...I agree, Dallandra, that this child will need to be cared for, but, as to
how we shall go about it, I don't know. Birth certification is rather simple
to procure, but keeping yours and your father's secret from the Wizarding
community when news of this gets out; that is the question. You know the
Ministry's views on non-humans."
"...And she's about as non-human as you can get, we know, Albus," Legolas' voice
interjected. "Both the Ministry and Voldemort would see her either as a tool to
be used, or a threat to be destroyed. Neither, however, will lay so much as a
fingertip on a fraction of her hair, if I have anything to say about it!"
Dang, he sounds all...I don't know what, but I like it...paternal, I guess...when
he's being protective! But, in any case, it's time to make my presence known.
"What he said. Anybody who messes with *my* baby is going to...Well, they
wouldn't be happy by the time I was done, dangit!"
Legolas just smiles at me, shaking his head in amusement. I'm not funny, dangit!
I'm all serious and...and...
Damn hormones.
"Albus, might I introduce you to Teleute, or Death of the Endless? Teleute, this
is Professor Albus Dumbledore. He is a former student of Dalla's."
"Hey, call me Didi." I wave absent-mindedly and I make a quick bee-line for the
baby, scooping her up. Dallandra is looking a bit wistful, which I suppose is
understandable, what with her daughter being dead and all.
Oh.
Oh!
I think I just thought of a way to, well, not *fix,* per say, since there isn't
really anything broken here, but at least make things easier. Dallandra gets a
cute-as-a-button squirt to raise, and Legolas can keep said squirt safe. Going
by the looks Legolas was sporting when he picked us up at the McDonald's, he's
too "old" to pass as the father of a newborn, unless he wants to get weird looks.
But, then again, we run into the little problem that is Elves and their speed of
development. No half-elf could be passed as a mortal, even with that spiffy
glamour that the Elves have. The kid's mind and body wouldn't be able to compete
with those of its human contemporaries for centuries, and then the point would
be moot.
Hmm, I think there are a few deities who owe me favors...
While I'm looking at the big picture, the others are mulling over the immediate
problems, which, hey, I've already got the answer to!
"Guys...?"
Still yakking.
"Guys?"
More yakking.
*very LOUD, very SHRILL whistle!* "YO! PEOPLE WHO ARE YOUNGER THAN ME!"
Well, that got their attention.
They look at me, but only the guy with the beard...Dumbledore?...and the kid
are looking amused. The two Elves are looking rather irritated.
"Look, nobody but us know that Legolas' grandkid is dead, right?"
Nods all around. Looks like progress, but Dallandra looks like she's gonna
start up an Old Faithful impression.
"Hokay, well, Dallandra, just as a rough estimate, do you think my kid could
pass as your husband's?"
Quick peeks from everybody else, a short round of "Aww, look at the baby!", and
they were back, everybody nodding. I nod, then continue.
"And, since you're both sisters, she'll probably end up looking enough like you
to pass for yours. Your husband knows you're an elf, right? Could you tell him
about all of this?"
Nervous shifting from the other female, then, "No, he does not. I was planning
on telling him after we married, but things became...complicated."
"...Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Anyway, here's my idea. The baby stays with you, and
you make sure nobody ever suspects she's not yours. Once she's old enough, we
tell her everything.
"As for the whole aging problem," which, going by the sheepish looks on the
others' faces, they hadn't considered, "There're some people I know who owe me
favors, and can take care of that. She'll probably stop aging again when she's
in her early to mid twenties, but by then she'll be able to handle herself."
Legolas was obviously going over the plan in his head, making sure that there
weren't any flaws to it. Coming to the conclusion that there really weren't
any, he nodded his agreement, turning to Dumbledore.
"Albus, if you could see to the legal formalities...?"
Dumbledore nods, then heads out of the room towards the front door.
"Well, that's settled! So, Legolas, what're we going to name this munchkin of
ours?"
Groans abound.
ON BLAISE-SUES: I'm tired of all the Blaise-Sues out there. Blaise Zabini is only mentioned once as going into Slytherin House, and no more information is known about the character, including gender. Blaise became a popular character when Cassandra Claire, a very good 'fic author (although admittedly all she did was re-characterize J.K. Rowlings' in terms of people from the BtVs series, thus transforming them into interchangable pretty teenagers that hurt one another's feelings like you'd find in any WB drama), decided Blaise would be a pretty girl with red hair who had a thing for Ron and would take polyjuice so she'd look like Hermione and, well... go read the
MORTAL AUTHOR: Rosy the Cat
FULL NAME: Blaise Zabini... or, her super-secret Sue name, <b>Elessario</b>
ENTITY TYPE: immortal elf/Endless hybrid, but will be raised as a human witch along with Legolas' great-grandchildren or some crap
HAIR: "dark"
EYES: "dark"
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: OMG so kewl pointy elf ears!! But Death's hair and eyes!!
POSESSIONS: nothing... <b>yet.</b>
PATHETIC ORIGIN: apparently Death managed to comfort Legolas during her one-day-as-a-human-a-year thing, which just happened to somehow coincide with his wife's divorcing him.. and then on the anniversary of that occasion, she awoke in a hospital somewhere in England... giving birth to an IMMORTAL ELF BABY OMFG!!!!
WEAK CONNECTIONS TO CANON: which one? three canonical rapes have occured... she's a tri-foliate Sue.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: as a toddler, "an unusual amount of co-ordination for her age"
NOTES: Now, Death's chipper up-beat nature is all very well represented, but I didn't feel any of the eerie wisdom she usually instills in people. Legolas is presented as a cranky old man, which does and *doesn't* make sense... once again for all you LOTR fic-writers out there... <i>Arda is not Earth. Middle Earth is not our Earth, waaay in the past. It's better to think of it as a mystical realm, another plane of existence, or even an alternate dimension.</i> Technically I suppose the author had some kind of explanation worked out for Legolas' existence in the Potterverse, but didn't think it was necessary to talk about it.
SAMPLE THE WORST: <lj-cut text=Now-to-consult-Albus-For-No-Apparent-Reason!>
...Gah. Well, if my little romp through my baby brother's realm has anything to
indicate the over-all state of the Dreaming, here's hoping that Dream'll either
find a way out, or he'll get over himself and call for some help. The over-all
quality of REM sleep has gone down the tubes.
A few minutes of searching later, and I've found Legolas and Dallandra, the
latter of the two alternating between taking part in the conversation and cooing
over the baby. Legolas is mostly focused on some old guy that I don't know, but
he's noticed me and nodded me in. Well, let's see what's going on, shall we?
Old Guy (heh, I'm still older!) is speaking to Dallandra.
"...I agree, Dallandra, that this child will need to be cared for, but, as to
how we shall go about it, I don't know. Birth certification is rather simple
to procure, but keeping yours and your father's secret from the Wizarding
community when news of this gets out; that is the question. You know the
Ministry's views on non-humans."
"...And she's about as non-human as you can get, we know, Albus," Legolas' voice
interjected. "Both the Ministry and Voldemort would see her either as a tool to
be used, or a threat to be destroyed. Neither, however, will lay so much as a
fingertip on a fraction of her hair, if I have anything to say about it!"
Dang, he sounds all...I don't know what, but I like it...paternal, I guess...when
he's being protective! But, in any case, it's time to make my presence known.
"What he said. Anybody who messes with *my* baby is going to...Well, they
wouldn't be happy by the time I was done, dangit!"
Legolas just smiles at me, shaking his head in amusement. I'm not funny, dangit!
I'm all serious and...and...
Damn hormones.
"Albus, might I introduce you to Teleute, or Death of the Endless? Teleute, this
is Professor Albus Dumbledore. He is a former student of Dalla's."
"Hey, call me Didi." I wave absent-mindedly and I make a quick bee-line for the
baby, scooping her up. Dallandra is looking a bit wistful, which I suppose is
understandable, what with her daughter being dead and all.
Oh.
Oh!
I think I just thought of a way to, well, not *fix,* per say, since there isn't
really anything broken here, but at least make things easier. Dallandra gets a
cute-as-a-button squirt to raise, and Legolas can keep said squirt safe. Going
by the looks Legolas was sporting when he picked us up at the McDonald's, he's
too "old" to pass as the father of a newborn, unless he wants to get weird looks.
But, then again, we run into the little problem that is Elves and their speed of
development. No half-elf could be passed as a mortal, even with that spiffy
glamour that the Elves have. The kid's mind and body wouldn't be able to compete
with those of its human contemporaries for centuries, and then the point would
be moot.
Hmm, I think there are a few deities who owe me favors...
While I'm looking at the big picture, the others are mulling over the immediate
problems, which, hey, I've already got the answer to!
"Guys...?"
Still yakking.
"Guys?"
More yakking.
*very LOUD, very SHRILL whistle!* "YO! PEOPLE WHO ARE YOUNGER THAN ME!"
Well, that got their attention.
They look at me, but only the guy with the beard...Dumbledore?...and the kid
are looking amused. The two Elves are looking rather irritated.
"Look, nobody but us know that Legolas' grandkid is dead, right?"
Nods all around. Looks like progress, but Dallandra looks like she's gonna
start up an Old Faithful impression.
"Hokay, well, Dallandra, just as a rough estimate, do you think my kid could
pass as your husband's?"
Quick peeks from everybody else, a short round of "Aww, look at the baby!", and
they were back, everybody nodding. I nod, then continue.
"And, since you're both sisters, she'll probably end up looking enough like you
to pass for yours. Your husband knows you're an elf, right? Could you tell him
about all of this?"
Nervous shifting from the other female, then, "No, he does not. I was planning
on telling him after we married, but things became...complicated."
"...Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Anyway, here's my idea. The baby stays with you, and
you make sure nobody ever suspects she's not yours. Once she's old enough, we
tell her everything.
"As for the whole aging problem," which, going by the sheepish looks on the
others' faces, they hadn't considered, "There're some people I know who owe me
favors, and can take care of that. She'll probably stop aging again when she's
in her early to mid twenties, but by then she'll be able to handle herself."
Legolas was obviously going over the plan in his head, making sure that there
weren't any flaws to it. Coming to the conclusion that there really weren't
any, he nodded his agreement, turning to Dumbledore.
"Albus, if you could see to the legal formalities...?"
Dumbledore nods, then heads out of the room towards the front door.
"Well, that's settled! So, Legolas, what're we going to name this munchkin of
ours?"
Groans abound.
</lj-cut>
ON BLAISE-SUES: I'm tired of all the Blaise-Sues out there. Blaise Zabini is only mentioned once as going into Slytherin House, and no more information is known about the character, including gender. Blaise became a popular character when Cassandra Claire, a very good 'fic author (although admittedly all she did was re-characterize J.K. Rowlings' in terms of people from the BtVs series, thus transforming them into interchangable pretty teenagers that hurt one another's feelings like you'd find in any WB drama), decided Blaise would be a pretty girl with red hair who had a thing for Ron and would take polyjuice so she'd look like Hermione and, well... go read the <a href="http://www.schnoogle.com/authorLinks/Cassandra_Claire/Draco_Dormiens/"Draco Dormiens">Draco Dormiens</a> series if you care that much about it. (Or was it <a href="http://www.schnoogle.com/authorLinks/Cassandra_Claire/Draco_Veritas/"Draco Veritas?)">Draco Veritas?)</a>
So the world is full of female Blaises now, even though the <a href="http://www.hp-lexicon.org/wizards/wizards-v-z.html">Harry Potter Lexicon</a> people have decided Blaise is more likely to be a boy (see also the boy-girl ratios during the book version of The Prizoner of Azkaban, the Boggart incident.)
SUE RATING (ONE BEING OKAY AND TEN BEING EXCREMENTAL): 5/10
Why? Although the Sue promises to be hideous, she never grows past toddlerhood, so I don't have to see her get paired up with any canon characters. Also, despite the horridness of the Sue, most of the 'fic is done in first person through Death, whom I like. Even when slightly mis-characterized. Plus, the author can obviously spell, understands basic principles of grammar and has a good knowledge of Gaiman, and spells Rowling's name properly.
